Living in a Star Psychosis

There’s the internal fight of logic versus delusion, but there is also the knowing that logically, I think I must lean into full delusion.

So what the heck is ‘full delusion’ and how does one balance it out with reality in a way that they morph into one?

I’m completely unsure but I do intend to find out.

I do know there is a mindset one must attain, far past any comfort zone they’ve created, to continue feeding the delusion…while also sustaining it. It’s the same as ‘it’s only cringe until it isn’t’; it’s only delusional until it works.

So one must make it work.

Full confession? I actually begged the sky for this to happen.

Day after day, all I could think was get me out of this daily routine, this can’t be it, if I have to spend the rest of my life making spreadsheets, then why did I master depression just to be sucked back down? I did find ways to make even Tuesdays amazing despite the constant ‘unsatisfied-from-life’ feelings from 8am-4pm. And looking at my job from the outside, everyone was always wondering, ‘what’s the issue?’ So really, why did I want out so deeply?

Because as I’ve said before, there have alwasy been whispers of craving more. I also find it wildly unfair that I must sit in an office beautiful day after beautiful day, doing work I was unfulfilled by. Isn’t that all we all want, to feel fulfilled in the work you do each day?

That’s why I wanted out so deeply, because the world is a work of art, so are we and I will be damned if I spend another forty years missing out on the beauty of both of those things, all for the sake of security in different variations. Security keeps you safe, safe is comfortable, comfortability fulfills the need for security, and the cycle continues. I’m not saying I don’t want that either, it’s a biological need, a psychological emotion, but when others have spoken of me, words stemming closer to ‘wild’, ‘rebel’, ‘spontaneous’, and ‘ambitious’ tend to spin off their lips, mine too. I do not wish to be confined to a constant cycle, I wish to break free from it, then return at my own leisure.Yes, I want the best of both worlds.

So I got down on my knees one night, I looked to the stars and I pleaded.

I started spending a few minutes each morning looking outside, growing closer to both the sun and the moon simultaneously; the view I have of the white line painted asphalt is the most stunning view because I deem it so. I notice the bare trees changing each day, as do I, because not only do I pay attention, I listen. I stopped acting, I started becoming. I started speaking directly. And guess what?

The sky spoke back, it continues too. I’d even describe my current state as living in a star psychosis if I’m being honest.

I did not ask to lose my job, I asked for more than what I currently have. I did not ask for no money, I asked for more. I did not ask for destruction, I asked for further building. Yet, through all the complaints I could list off (if I saw them as complaints still, that is), this is exactly what I asked for, isn’t it?

This was supposed to happen the whole time.

I could describe the other feelings I’ve had in life, my bizarre habit of picking up patterns in everything, the high intuition I experience through all moments of the day, the way my words feel like power, the white light I’ve been told I possess. And this has all always made sense to me, on top of being a creative (which already breeds highly intuitive individuals), I’m an Aquarius, who are known to hold renowned claircognizance (the ability to process and deeply understand futuristic concepts). And what are the odds that right now, everything I am experiencing is exactly what, not just myself, but also the astrological predictions claim?

The way my life unfolds throughout the day currently is spot on with the thoughts I’ve been experiencing; the day I got laid off, I texted my best friend saying that I think I’m getting fired today, knowing I have done nothing wrong, but I knew, I picked up on the energy shift weeks before it happened. And that experience does not deal evidence in the stars’ favor, in fact the opposite, but that’s okay. Because I don’t care what greater power is crafting magic with my life right now, I’m very pleased with the direction they’ve faced me towards and I’m running as fast as I can.

But that doesn’t mean my life aligning with every prediction I have come across is not…strange. Unreal, one may say. But we’re feeding into delusion these days, remember? So to me, the alignment feels dreamlike and it actually is indeed surreal.

It’s genuinely wild. The other day I asked the stars to give me a way to teach fun art classes, the next morning, my dad calls me and informs me to set up a meeting with a local resin artist who owns a shop. Guess who now has a studio to teach fun art classes at? Me. I was driving home from the beach last Friday, I saw the moon, I asked her for a unique resin floral preservation order to come through my phone’s notifications. The next day, my sister calls me and asks if I can do bouquet recreation, I say yes, her friend messages my Instagram, she’s placing an order.

It’s all little things like those happening, sometimes multiple times in a day, that has placed me in this star psychosis. I’d almost be delusional to not lean into whatever delusion is occupying my life’s timeline at the moment. The Year of The Fire Horse we are currently living in predicts major life changes for my sign: high ambition leading to rapid growth in income, planning over impulsive decisions, personal reinvention, public re-emergence, commitment and direction.

It’s almost as if…all the stars are finally aligning.

And one very cool thing about me is I am a master of the sky; I create constellations in my mind. So maybe it’s intuition taking off, maybe it’s The Year of The Fire Horse, or maybe it’s just me finally yielding so much power, I aligned the stars myself.